Flinging Poo

I am currently nursing two of my good girlfriends through breakups right now. Which is awful, and I hurt for them. It's my job as a friend to saddle up and go through it with them, do what I can to ease their pain and encourage them. They would do it for me, without a doubt.

On one hand, I am awesome at this kind of thing. Because I went through A LOT with my last relationship. Name a destructive issue, and my last relationship had it. So I'm pretty much a pro when it comes to relating and empathizing on these topics.

On the other hand, I'm NOT awesome at this kind of thing. Because in the end, nothing anyone can say or do for you really and truly helps anyway. The only thing that helps is time, a healthy sense of self-worth, and friendships. But mostly time. the phrase "Time heals all wounds," exists because it is true to the core, like so many other phrases. No matter how desperately you want to speed through the break-up process, time is always there, keeping a steady pace through the maddening heartache.

It takes all this time, because it took all that time in the first place to develop those feelings. If you only had a 5-day long relationship, of course the breakup wouldn't be as bad as having a 5-year long relationship breakup. This isn't news to anyone.

What is surprising to me, however, is that some people try to fool you into thinking that a lasting relationship is just an antiquated concept, and that you can't possibly really want one. How passé! How boring! How old-fashioned! Wouldn't it be more fun to have a flavor of the month?

Well, let me tell you what the "flavor of the month" is right now.

The flavor of the month happens to be chocolate, in the form of the "Fling" candy bar.

The commercial shows animated Princess and Prince-type characters, awkwardly saying goodbye after a presumable one-night stand.

Walt Disney, I'm sure, would be rolling in his cryogenically-sealed chamber if he ever laid eyes on this.

Little birdies sing "Forever is overrated" at the finale, as the Princess basks in the glow of ......what? Why is she basking in a glow? Basking in the glow of regret? Basking in the glow of an empty physical act? Basking in the glow of a desire for something more but settling for something less?

Is this what advertising companies really think will reach women? Glorifying a meaningless night together? Really? That's the best you've got? That is the level to which you want to stoop?

People, forever is NOT overrated. Don't buy into it. There are some people in this world who have led such meaningful lives...either through service, relationships, etc. that forever would NEVER be enough time to experience everything they would want to, to accomplish everything they would want, and to give everything they would want to this world.

There are people out there who know exactly how desirable forever is, because their time has been cut short. Or their spouse's time has been cut short. Or their children's lives have been cut short. Try telling those people that forever is overrated.

"Fling" bar---YOU are what is wrong with today's easy-come-easy-go, instant gratification, and almost-instant boredom of the things that are to be treasured in life.

I don't care what kind of experience you are advertising...whether just the experience of eating a candy bar, or the experience of a forever-love, I don't want an ad. agency dictating to me what my value system should be. Period.

Time wounds all heels, Fling. Time wounds all heels.

- Cellulite and Tell You Right,
Andy