You can file this post under the "Really? I mean, seriously?!" category. I was watching the news this morning while getting ready for work, and one of those prescription drug commercials came on t.v. (Ugh, don't even get me started on why the U.S. even allows advertising prescriptions on t.v...it is so ridiculous. That's a whole other blog.) But this prescription commercial had Brooke Shields touting it, so it caught my eye.
"What prescription could Brooke Shields be a spokesperson for?" I wondered. Surely it must be something for postpartum depression, or maybe even a new anti-wrinkle injection.
But no. I was wrong. Brooke is out there stomping for this new product called "Latisse", which is supposed to--get this--lengthen, thicken, and darken your eyelashes.
Um, hello...don't we already have something that does that? It is called mascara, and you can find about 30 different variations of it at any local drug store. Why would a sane human being want to put something prescription strength on them when it isn't necessary!? Just run to CVS and you can find anything your heart desires to pimp yo' eyes...mascara that lengthens, mascara that thickens, mascara that is waterproof, mascara with a curved brush, mascara with colors in it, mascara with glitter in it, even mascara that creates a sillicone tube surrounding each eyelash.
Also, if you can't find what you want in the mascara aisle, you can trot yourself over to where the false eyelashes are kept and can find a whole array of falsies...realistic lashes, lashes made out of feathers, lashes with neon colors, even lashes with crystals at the ends.
Whether you go with the mascara or the fake eyelashes, the best part about both of those products is that you DON'T need a prescription in order to use them!
I'm sorry, but I have a hard time understanding why we are still desperately trying to drum up funds to study cures and treatments for cancer, AIDS, diabetes, and multiple sclerosis but that there is enough funding out there to dedicate an entire lab team to create a prescription-strength eyelash enhancer?
Really? I mean, seriously?!!?
Look, look. I know the ellusive pull of wanting fabulous lashes more than anyone else. I was born with hooded eyelids and short, stubby eyelashes that grow in a downward direction. If anyone wants stunning lashes, it is me. BUT, I have managed to find plenty of mascara, eyeliner, eyelash curlers, and false eyelash options to achieve any length of lashes I want, all WITHOUT going to the doctor and getting a prescription strength solution. And the best part is, at the end of the day it can all be washed away. No side effects, no FDA warnings, nothing.
Like any prescription, there are side effects with this Latisse. Mostly they are listed as eyelids turning red, itchy, dry, puffy, skin darkening, etc. Wow, that sounds great. Your eyes will be puffy, red and flakey, but hey---your lashes will look great! What a tradeoff!
And hey, warning to any of you blue/gray/green-eyed women out there who are planning on trying this stuff. The FDA warns that one of the side effects can also be "brown iris pigmentation". Yyyyeah, you read that correctly. Your eyes will turn BROWN. The actual color of your eye could be changed! Man, at least the redness, swelling, and dry eyelids will go away after you stop using the product. But eye color change cannot be reversed. Ever.
I'd also like to point out one more thing in this little rant.
Find a man, any man. Someone in your office, someone who goes to your church, someone on your intramural softball team. Pull him aside and ask him, "Hey (fill in name here), Who do you think has the longest eyelashes at work/church/softball?"
He'll shrug his shoulders, grunt "I don't know", and walk away with further concrete evidence that women are insane when it comes to our looks. And trust him ladies, he really and truly doesn't know. Men in general do not notice these things. I once died my hair purple (accidentally, trust me) and it took 3 days for my male boss to realize it and ask me if I was "feeling okay."
Don't get me wrong. I'm not judging women for wanting lashes that a Prince Charming-esque man could climb up and save us à la Rapunzel. In fact, if I had to be left with only one makeup item to live on, it would probably be my mascara.
But please don't invest the time, money, and risk into a prescription strength product to give you fabulous lashes. Do something else with all of that time, money and risk instead. Something more worthwhile. I guarantee it will contribute to your selfworth more greatly than any old Latisse will.
Cellulite and Tell You Right,
- Andy
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