Just call me "Phoenix"

So, never a dull moment in the life of Andy.

Sunday I got back from my fabulous vacation week of “Do Nothingness” on Ocracoke. It was exactly what I needed…a full week devoted to scribbling in journals, daily napping, staring at the underside of a sun umbrella, and not checking my work emails. I could actually feel the stress sliding off of me with every layer of sunscreen slathered on my pasty self.

Monday, I was anxious to get back and go to my Small Group meeting (small group is PC3 code for Bible Study Group, if you don’t know) to catch up with my newly found lovely ladies and see how they had been. Instead of our usual discussion group at someone’s house, we decided to head to K38 restaurant for some salsa and chatter.

While waiting for our table, Jana, Nicole and I stood in the lobby, chitchatting back and forth.

“How was your vacation?” Jana asked me.

“It was SO great…I am actually still in the vacay-vibe…still feeling relaxed, just feeling great!” I said. And I meant it. I was still loose, still breezy, still awesome.

We continued catching up for a while, when another lady waiting in the lobby turned to me and said “Your hair, your hair.”

And just at that second, I could smell the horrifyingly unmistakable scent of burning hair. MY burning hair! Quicker than I knew my body could react, my hand bolted up and started patting the fire out. It all happened in a span of maybe 7 seconds, but it felt like 7 years and 700 degrees.

After the flames were out, I looked around to see what could have possibly caused the spontaneous combustion of my luscious locks.

There. There it was. A rogue tealight candle, precariously perched on a window ledge where I had been standing as I was regaling my friends with how relaxed and chilled out I was.

As I turned and spotted the candle, I also spotted everyone in the bar staring at me. Also, everyone in the lobby. And everyone seated at the tables. And the waitstaff. And probably the people parking their cars in the lot outside.

“I’m okay, I’m okay, it’s alright,” I manage to blurt out, chuckling in between breaths, trying desperately to laugh it off.

But to no avail. My feeble female emotions finally caught up with the situation at hand. I could just imagine what the people sitting at the bar must be “tweeting”... “Head fire at K38...get down here!” “K38 will now be changing its name to Flaming Andy’s.” My hands began to tremble. Followed by a lightning speed heartbeat. Finally, the welling up of tears.


“Don’t cry, don’t cry,” Jana said.

Nicole chimed in, “It’s okay Andy, it’s really not that bad.” They both began helping me brush the soot and ashes out of my hair and off of my shirt.

I don’t know what it is, but I have this ridiculous uncontrollable reaction when I hear the words “Don’t cry.” Anytime I hear those words, it just pushes me full force into crying mode and past the point of no return.

By this point, Natalie, a fourth member of our group, showed up and was catching up on the situation.

The restaurant host (who saw everything that happened) came over and asked if I needed anything. Sobbing, with running eye makeup, a wavering voice, and charcoaled hair, I said “Could I have a tissue or something?”

He returned with a napkin from the bar. “Is there anything else I can get you?”

“Well, can I have a glass of water?” I replied.

“Are you sure, you don’t want ANYTHING else?” he asked.

“Actually, can I have a vodka tonic with lime?”

And I’m telling you what…I’ve never been served a drink faster or stronger in my life.

The second he came back with the cocktail, I realized I might have just made the situation worse.

I was fairly new to this Bible study group, and had probably only met with these girls maybe 6 times. And here I had gone an ordered a cocktail at a Bible study meeting. What was I thinking? (Well, I can tell you what I was thinking… “The only thing that will calm me down is a stiff drink.”)

Way to go Andy! You find this awesome new group, you go and catch your head on fire, and then you order a cocktail during our Bible study hour…good one. Super appropriate to be ordering cocktails and garnishes when we are supposed to be discussing our Lord and Savior!

I looked around to the other girls to see if their faces would betray any kind of internal judgement they were passing on me for ordering an alcoholic drink. To my relief, it was completely the opposite.

“Oh honey, don’t you worry, I’d be ordering a drink, too.”

“Andy, don’t even worry about it, you go for it.”

Whew. A relief. These girls are keepers. Not that I would make a habit out of drinking at Bible study, by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, most of you reading this already know that I’m really not a drinker at all (I got all of that out of my system during my young 20’s, believe you me). But it was absolutely a relief that these girls weren’t ready to “lay hands” on me and start “exorcising the demons” out of me like some church-goers would be.

We finally got our table (the host tucked us back in a small room separate from other tables), and after setting our purses down, Jana took me to the restroom to try and get the rest of the burned hair out of my head.

Once we got back to the table, Brooke showed up, and we all had many, many laughs at my expense, which is exactly how I wanted it. If they hadn’t kept me laughing, I would have burst into tears again and run to the nearest salon to get a drastic haircut which inevitably would have been a mistake.

The restaurant ended up covering my tab for the night. And our group had a chance to have some definite bonding time, good laughs, share what is going on in our life, and eat some good food.

So, like the Phoenix, I will rise again to return to my small group next week. With a new assurance of the following things:
1. Those girls are keepers.
2. Thank goodness for curls---they hide A LOT!
3. There’s nothing either a vodka tonic, laughs with friends, and a good conditioner won’t fix.

Lauren and Leanne, I’m so sorry you couldn’t make it. Unfortunately, there will not be a re-enactment. But if you search, I’m sure there is a low-quality cell phone video of it floating around on YouTube somewhere.