Monday, November 15, 2010

Embarrassment Illustrated

***(Hey all, I am shutting down my old blog site, so I'm transferring a few oldies from there to this site. Some of you might have read this before.)***
                                                                                                                                                       

Okay, so I had to go into the doctor the other day for some tests and whatnot. And I don't want to get on a soapbox about how "Men have no idea what it is like to be a woman" and what not, but seriously....Men have NO idea!

Being conscious during a pelvic procedure is totally torturesome. As if FEELING the procedure isn't enough, we also get to HEAR every thing going on. Sounds of metal scraping. The noise of the expandable tools clicking into place. We get to SEE exactly what they are putting in and taking out of us thanks to that perfectly eye-level tray of implements. And the doctor usually TALKS through the entire procedure. I just want to scream to him "Hey down there! Cut it out! If I wanted a play by play of my colposcopy I would have brought John Madden along with me. I'm trying to force myself into an out-of-body experience, and all of your jibba-jabba is distracting me!" I always tell myself I will follow through and shout this out to the Coochie Doctor, but believe me, the one dude you absolutely do not want to piss off is someone who will be digging around in your vajajay for the next hour.

Like every totally healthy girl, I like to mask my fear with comedy. (I know, I'm super mature, right?). So without further adieu while I wait for the test results, I wanted to share with you my illustration of Tuesday's events. And, for extra entertainment, I included a chart, which will show you my new theory. It is the "Love for My Vagina" chart, and it shows the direct relationship of love for my vagina to the amount of exposure time. It's really scientific and compelling stuff. I expect my honorary degree from Princeton to arrive any day now. (I hand-drew the chart first, then my buddy Rob made it look all official and whatnot for me...cuz that is what good friends with Graphic Design degrees do for you...they make graphs about your vagina.)

Cellulite and Tell You Right,
Andy






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