I'm Aging Like a Fine Wine (that you don't get carded for when buying)

Okay, I am only a month into being 26 years old, yet my body is acting like it is in full senior-citizen mode.

While sitting at work a few days ago, I was running my fingers through my hair, when something in my strands caught my eye. It looked like maybe a piece of lint, so I sifted through the curls trying to get it out of there. Finally I found it again, and what caught my eye was finally brought into focus…a lone, wirey, white hair. Not even grey, okay. But white. Stark white.

I pulled on it thinking “Surely this simply got caught in my hair after the 18th senior citizen hugged me today”. But alas, when I pulled on it, it was attached to my head. A white hair, in MY head.

I freaked out, held onto the singular strand, and marched myself into my coworker’s office, holding the rogue ringlet between my fingers.

“What is this. Seriously, what is THIS?” I demanded, pulling the hair closer to Allison to inspect.
“Oh Andy. Oh,” was her only reply.
“Seriously, this is NOT okay! I’m only 26, this is NOT okay!”
“At least it’s just one though,” she said, trying her best to comfort me.
“That’s it. I’m seriously chocking this up to stress. This CANNOT be an age thing. You know, I’ve been really stressed lately at work. It’s got to be just stress.”
“Absolutely, I’m sure that’s it.”

And with that I returned to my office to yank the perpetrator straight out of the follicle from whence it came.

Fast forward a few days, and I find myself at the local Harris Teeter to pick up some munchies for a Spa Party I am having at my house. While I was there I picked up some cheese, dips and wine to make homemade sangria for the party.

I came home, unloaded the groceries, and checked my receipt to see if any coupons were attached (as H.T. does sometimes). To my horror, a message on the line-item receipt caught my eye that I couldn’t ignore: "Cashier has bypassed age verification."



What! Bypassed it? Excuse me, but I’m pretty sure the rule of thumb in most stores in NC is to ask for someone’s ID if they are 40 or under. Forty! I still have a good 14 years before that cute, blonde, tanned 13 year old cashier is bypassing ANYTHING about me.

To top it all off, I had a big rubber ball in my grocery cart and a bright blue t-shirt on that says “Summer Camp Staff” on it. For all she knew, I was a 19 year old camp counselor who was picking up a ball, some cheese, and trying to sneak some wine into my cabin back at camp.

To make matters worse, I am so horrified by the barrage on my age-awareness this week that I am sure I am creating wrinkles and worry lines all over my face.

So if you are looking for my last little tiny shred of "I'm still young" or "Hey, I think I look pretty today", it's still there...just burried deep into the trench line on my forehead.



(Aged) Cellulite and Tell You Right
- Andy